5/22/2023 0 Comments Stop listeningRecords changed that, so fewer and fewer people played instruments, but at least they were listening to records. Involvement was on a whole different level than it is now for most people. Most middle class families had a piano, or at least a guitar and sang and played at home. "Listening" when you're on the computer, making dinner, reading, driving, running, working, etc isn't the same thing as listening at home without doing anything else.Ī friend who owned a record store in the 1980s put it best when he said, "Recorded music is the worst thing that ever happened to music." At first I thought he was kidding, but he explained that before Edison recorded sound most families played music, on their own instruments, at home. Let’s open our hearts and opt to have a thriving and powerful love bond.I'm talking about listening to music, as opposed to having music serve as background to other activities. See things from their perspective, even if it seems difficult.Įffective listening strengthens our intimate relationships. The most important part of listening is to be in the present moment with our partner and give them our full attention.īe kind. ![]() ![]() Feel free to calmly and respectfully disagree without starting off a fight. Understanding our partner is more important than agreeing with them. Remember, we don’t have to agree we need to validate. No one has to win and no one has to be right. Questions like “How do you feel about it,” “What is it that you need?” “What’s behind this?” “Can you be more clear? I don’t think I understand,” and “Is there something else you’d like to share with me?” could bring partners closer. Don’t be afraid to ask questions that could initiate further discussions. If we want to really listen to our partner, we have to get more information. Once we have effectively listened to our partner, it’s best to reply with words that validate them, such as, “I understand how you feel,” “It makes sense what you’re saying,” “I see where you’re coming from,” “I feel you,” “I hear you,” and so on.Īsk questions. The words we choose in our conversations could either be helpful or extremely hurtful. How would you feel if you were interrupted? We all know the answer.Ĭhoose supportive words. If you find it hard to not interfere, put yourself in their place. Remember that it’s their time to express their deepest feelings/concerns/ thoughts and we have to respect it. When you feel like interrupting your partner (even if what they’re saying doesn’t make sense to you), pause and take a deep breath. What is it that you need the most? Is it love, attention, validation? What was missing in your childhood that you’ve been trying to find or recreate in your own partnership? When you feel like interrupting or proving your partner wrong, what is it that you’re seeking? Now that we are slowly learning how to process our past traumas, we can practice a few things that might help us become better listeners: Without a good, solid relationship with ourselves, without healing our childhood wounds and making peace with them, we will always find it difficult to peacefully converse with our partner.Ĭonsequently, if you want to be a better listener to your partner, challenge yourself and break the walls that have been preventing you from listening. This is how successful communication turns into successful miscommunication: two human beings so desperately wanting to feel heard that they end up not listening to each other.īefore delving into the details, I would like to stress the importance of listening to ourselves first. Especially if we come from a dysfunctional family or one where we struggled to feel loved and validated as kids, we are likely to be bad listeners because we’re the ones who want to feel heard. This is why it feels challenging to listen because whether we like or not, our ego always likes to make an appearance. Listening requires a lot of awareness and the ability to remove our ego from the conversation. I know I am-until I’m in the middle of a conversation with my partner and I feel the urge to interrupt him and a friendly chat turns into a heated argument and the next I know we’re sitting on separate couches and not talking to each other. Now I know you think you’re a good listener. That said, we need to be better listeners if we want better and healthier relationships. We rarely listen to understand or learn more about the situation at hand.Ĭommunication is important, but if it’s not effective, it could be as destructive as noncommunication. We listen to reply, to prove our point, to win an argument. We might have been talking to a brick wall after all because most of us struggle with listening to our partner. How many times have we said this in our intimate relationships? How many times do we feel as if we’re talking to a brick wall?
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